Sandwich Time

I was talking to my old college friend, Mark, when I was in Los Angeles the other week.
Mark moved back home two years ago after 25 years in Boston.
The primary reason was to take care of his 84-year-old widowed mother.
It’s not a full-time job. Mark still drives to work through the L.A. commute every morning and evening. He still gets his exercise in on most days. He goes out at night a couple times a week.
But taking care of his mother is an attention-consuming obligation. Mark lives in the house where he grew up in the Santa Clarita area. While juggling his personal obligations, Mark makes sure the housekeeper shows up when she’s supposed to. He checks in on the driver who comes almost every day to escort his mother on her errands and get her out of the house. He makes sure she takes her medication and doesn’t do anything to hurt herself.
On the morning we met for coffee, Mark phoned the driver to check in. He also talked with the housekeeper about doing some of the laundry his mother still insists on doing.
Mark told me he does a balancing act between taking care of his mother and still allowing her to maintain her self-respect. He has to take over her bills soon. She is losing track of those. But he noted he needs to gradually do so. He plans to have them work together on the bills at first before he assumes control.
It’s a situation many Baby Boomers are facing. A stage in our lives sociologists have labeled as “the sandwich.”
Many Baby Boomers have children in the 20s and 30s who still need some guidance and attention. At the same time, many also have parents who are in their 70s and 80s and need someone to take care of at least part of their lives.
In fact, the Pew Research Center estimates 71 percent of Baby Boomers have at least one parent still alive. They estimate one in eight Baby Boomers are taking care of an elderly parent and at least one child under 18. With people living longer, those statistics are bound to rise.
Over the next decade or two, Baby Boomers will be faced with decisions on rest homes, medical care and financial resources. They’ll need to decide if they should change jobs or move to another town to help their aging parents.
Money is another issue. The average cost for a nursing home is more than $6,000 a month. Assisted living facilities cost $3,000 monthly. Home health professionals run about $20 an hour.
It’s a challenge Baby Boomers will face as they themselves age. There is no doubt it takes a physical and mental toll on those who get sandwiched.
However, this is not a duty we should run from. Baby Boomers should embrace this challenge as something that needs to be done and done well.
It can be a shining achievement of our generation. We can take care of the folks who took care of us when we were younger. And we can set an example for the younger generations on how we should be treated when we hit our 70s and 80s.
My wife and I right now are watching over my 86-year-old mother-in-law and my 94-year-old grandmother. We also have a 59-year-old brother-in-law with Alzheimer’s disease.
It does stretch us thin sometimes. We both work full-time at demanding jobs. Our children are in their 20s and do need occasional assistance.
Yet, my wife and I realize this is a time when others need us. It is a time we can muster our energies and show the patience and caring we are capable of.
Some day we may need someone to take care of us. Hopefully, we will have shown them the way.